Once again, I use this blog to chronicle random thoughts that someone might find interesting.
I have put a lot of time and energy and thought into fan fiction. This has been both a good thing and a bad thing. On the negative side, it has been one of the many things that I've used to procrastinate. But if things were qualified as inherently good or bad based on their role in my time-wasting endeavours, then housecleaning would be a gross evil...so that doesn't make fan fiction bad.
The idea of fanfiction is really fascinating. Some author out there created a world, whether through literature, or television, or movies, that was so real to the readers that they write more in that world. As with everything in this digitalized age, it means that lots of poor quality stuff gets written and "published" on the world wide web, but I think at the same time that it may be a way for us to do something that has not been popular since the days of Romanticism (stupid romanticism!) when we decided that originality (an originality that goes inward to the writer, as opposed to outward to a well known origin of the story) was the key to literature. Under this "lit-view" rewriting a story that some other author came up with in a different voice, or from a different perspective, or even borrowing the world and characters that an author created is the ultimate crime. I get the feeling that copyrights are not so much about making sure that authors receive compensation as that their characters are not messed with. To paraphrase one of my favorite singer-songwriters, "I may be wrong for all I know, but I may be right."
All this to say that before Romanticism, it was all about retelling old stories in an entertaining way. I'm not saying this never happens now. What are movie adaptations? or famous works like "Grendel"? or stupid things like "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies." It's just that no one says to budding writers, "Go and write another retelling of the Trojan war." They are encouraged to write something utterly unique and personal. Why should this be? Why shouldn't writers attempt to use old material to do something stylistically interesting? I just finished a class on Chaucer, and he ripped things wholesale from other authors. Am I saying that most people writing fanfiction (if any!) are the Chaucer's of our age? No. But I am suggesting that fanfiction is a potential outlet for that kind of thing.
All that I have said up to this point is my vision of what fanfiction could be. Unfortunately, while there are some (my more recent self included) who try to use it this way--some (my more recent self not included) who succeed in using it this way--it is mainly, in my experience, and from what I understand of its history, used very differently.
It becomes a realm for girls between adolescence and...say...30? to write out their emotions and their fantasies, of varying degrees of appropriateness and disturbingness. If you don't believe me, just browse fanfiction.net. And when I say emotions and fantasies, I mean everything from silly teenage angst to creepy sexual fantasies and morbid imaginings. (No, I have not personally read any examples of the second category...but I've read synopses and the like.)
I was introducing a friend to this aspect of fanfiction, and she said, "well, I imagine a lot of girls just write it out, and get through their teen years that way." I hadn't really thought of that, and I think it's true. In fact, I think I can see it in my case. There was something about writing down my silliness that made me realize just how silly it was...and cured me of some of my more puerile emotions. (At least, that is my hope.) But then, there are definitely girls who just stew in it, and never grow up. Women over fourty writing this teeny-bopper angsty fiction still. It's sad, really.
And then there is slash, which is basically a foundation of fanfiction, and which is just gross. If you want a disquisition on slash, just contact me personally and I'll be happy to share a letter I once wrote about it. I mean, I have no question in my mind that it is morally abhorrent, but it has an insidious effect on non-slash fanfiction.
As usual I am rambling, rambling, rambling away, and not getting anywhere.
I think my primary point is not a fanfiction related one at all. As I said at the beginning, I have wasted lots of time on fanfiction--reading it, mostly--I am not ready to call my written ventures into it wasted. But I had to read a lot of it before I started to see some of the good and bad aspects of it, particularly on an emotional growth/maturity level. Yet, I think it was the process of learning and discovering those things that helped me to grow in maturity. So...when I have kids and they are teeny-bopper types, should I let them read fanfiction? Should I let them read the other puerile outpourings of other angsty teenager-types? It worked out for me...but did I waste too much time to figure it out? Working through lot of the the issues related to slash's effect on fanfiction as a whole helped me to understand things about true love, about marriage vs. friendship, and about useful vs. self-feeding emotion. Should someone have just told me? would that have been as effective for me? In a way, I could say, "All things work together for good to those who love God." But that is not the same thing as saying "whatever happens to you should happen again to other people.
It's a sticky issue, I guess. I suppose it's a good thing I don't have kids, yet, since I obviously have no answers. :-D
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
The Moon
I love the moon. It once inspired me to write this weird and depressing poem:
The Face of Winter
I look into the icy opacity
To see the heartless light.
My soul is muffled under the warm blanket of sorrow.
It is vulnerable.
I do not want it to freeze in the sharp beams.
I remember the man with his garish smile--
Smiling at tragedy below.
I used to smile back.
But how I fear this day to meet his gaze!
A hesitant tilt of the eyes
Upward.
My gaze is fixed.
Perhaps his heart is not frozen,
For I see a wondrous sight.
The skeletal grin is forgotten--
In its place:
A face--
Lost in weeping.
A kindly visage--
Wrinkled in sorrow.
An eye--
Sparkling with ready tears.
Perhaps he is not blind.
He sees us here.
He sees the pain.
He hears the sobs.
And he feels.
He feels.
Perhaps Cyrano was right.
Maybe they are up there--
Socrates
Galileo
The great Gascon himself.
Maybe they told him--
It was not what it seemed.
The maidens in their beds
Had nightmares--
Phantom terrors of sleep.
The children were cold and huddled in their beds.
The fields of flowing silver were a front.
They painted death
On frosty blades of grass.
Maybe the exiles told him.
Maybe he discovered it himself.
But he is not smiling.
Maybe it is me.
Ah, teenage angst.
Anyway, I still feel that way about the moon sometimes, but not today.
It is winter, but tonight's moon is not cold, though I can't say that it is a warm moon. I was going to say that it was impersonal, but upon consideration, I would say rather that it is angelic. That is why it is neither warm nor cold. It is too perfectly untouched by humanity to be warm, but too wonderfully good to be cold. It is a full moon, but I could not imagine any werewolf transforming under its influence. When I first saw it, the sky was still a deep light blue--right before it becomes dark night blue. Today was a day of clouds and sky, and the clouds were a beautiful grey color. When the clouds moved across the moon it was beautiful, not creepy the way it sometimes is. I wish I could write a poem about the way the moon looked to me this evening.
I am thinking about writing about the moon for one of my final papers. I've been thinking about it, because it comes up in literature so much, and I have vague ideas about it, but I want to know more.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Before it was "In Western Lands"
I was reading some of the History of The Lord of the Rings volumes. I was hoping they would help me with my paper, but unfortunately Christopher Tolkien is only really interested in the big picture changes that his father made to the books. Oh well.
Well, as I was reading the book, I came across the original version of "In Western Lands Beneath the Sun." Before I type it out, I will share the published version. I think it may be one of Tolkien's most beautiful poems:
In western lands beneath the Sun
the flowers may rise in Spring,
the trees may bud, the waters run,
the merry finches sing.
Or there maybe 'tis cloudless night
and swaying beeches bear
the Elven-stars as jewels white
amid their branching hair.
Though here at journey's end I lie
in darkness buried deep,
beyond all towers strong and high,
beyond all mountains steep,
above all shadows rides the Sun
and Stars forever dwell:
I will not say the Day is done,
nor bid the Stars farewell.
Beautiful, no?
Well, check out the original version:
I sit upon the stones alone;
the fire is burning red,
the tower is tall, the mountains dark;
all living things are dead.
In western lands the sun may shine,
the flower and tree in spring
is opening, is blossoming;
and there the finches sing.
But here I sit alone and think
of days when grass was green,
and earth was brown, and I was young:
they might have never been.
For they are gone, for ever lost,
and buried here I lie
and deep beneath the shadows sing
where hope and daylight die.
But still I sit and think of you;
I see you far away
Walking down the homely roads
on a bright and windy day.
It was merry then when I could run
to answer to your call,
could hear your voice or take your hand;
but now the night must fall.
And now beyond the world I sit,
and know not where you lie!
O Master, will you hear my voice
and answer ere we die?
For one thing, this reminds me of another beautiful Tolkien poem (this is a Tolkien poem extravaganza!...I think he writes beautifully wistful poetry), Bilbo's poem:
I sit beside the fire and think
of all that I have seen,
of meadow-flowers and butterflies
In summers that have been;
Of yellow leaves and gossamer
in autumns that there were,
with morning mist and silver sun
and wind upon my hair.
I sit beside the fire and think
of how the world will be
when winter comes without a spring
that I shall ever see.
For still there are so many things
that I have never seen:
in every wood in every spring
there is a different green.
I sit beside the fire and think
of people long ago,
and people who will see a world
that I shall never know.
But all the while I sit and think
of times there were before,
I listen for returning feet
and voices at the door.
I am very curious now as to which poem came first.
But all this was not what I was getting at. At first I got a kick out of the last line of the original "In western lands." (FYI: We're moving back to the second poem I typed). I thought it was very cutesy. In fact, I thought that the whole final stanza was very fan-fiction-y. (Fanfiction writers are free to take that as a complement or an insult. :-) ) But it suddenly struck me that it was reminiscent of the song in "The Black Bull of Norroway."
If you are a Tolkien fan "The Black Bull of Norroway" will ring a bell. I was actually a fan of that story before I read The Lord of the Rings. It's a fairy tale. But Tolkien ends his essay "On Fairie Stories" with the ending of the fairy tale because it provides a great example of Eucatastrophe. Here's the ending of the essay:
Far more powerful and poignant is the effect in a serious tale of Faerie. In such stories when the sudden "turn" comes we get a piercing glimpse of joy, and heart's desire, that for a moment passes outside the frame, rends indeed the very web of story, and lets a gleam come through.
"Seven long years I served for thee,
The glassy hill I clamb for thee,
The bluidy shirt I wrang for thee,
And wilt thou not wauken and turn to me?"
He heard and turned to her.
Anyway, (I love writing the absurdly long posts in which I say exactly one not-so-important thing!) I wonder if the original poem (again, second poem I typed) was in any way inspired by or affected by the Black Bull of Norroway? Of course, Sam's eucatastrophe didn't happen so instantaneously, but still it is similar:
"He ran to the figure huddled on the floor. It was Frodo."
Come on, it doesn't get much more eucatastrophic than that!
Well, that was a pointless post. To make it even more pointless, I shall add an unrelated picture. Goodnight.
Well, as I was reading the book, I came across the original version of "In Western Lands Beneath the Sun." Before I type it out, I will share the published version. I think it may be one of Tolkien's most beautiful poems:
In western lands beneath the Sun
the flowers may rise in Spring,
the trees may bud, the waters run,
the merry finches sing.
Or there maybe 'tis cloudless night
and swaying beeches bear
the Elven-stars as jewels white
amid their branching hair.
Though here at journey's end I lie
in darkness buried deep,
beyond all towers strong and high,
beyond all mountains steep,
above all shadows rides the Sun
and Stars forever dwell:
I will not say the Day is done,
nor bid the Stars farewell.
Beautiful, no?
Well, check out the original version:
I sit upon the stones alone;
the fire is burning red,
the tower is tall, the mountains dark;
all living things are dead.
In western lands the sun may shine,
the flower and tree in spring
is opening, is blossoming;
and there the finches sing.
But here I sit alone and think
of days when grass was green,
and earth was brown, and I was young:
they might have never been.
For they are gone, for ever lost,
and buried here I lie
and deep beneath the shadows sing
where hope and daylight die.
But still I sit and think of you;
I see you far away
Walking down the homely roads
on a bright and windy day.
It was merry then when I could run
to answer to your call,
could hear your voice or take your hand;
but now the night must fall.
And now beyond the world I sit,
and know not where you lie!
O Master, will you hear my voice
and answer ere we die?
For one thing, this reminds me of another beautiful Tolkien poem (this is a Tolkien poem extravaganza!...I think he writes beautifully wistful poetry), Bilbo's poem:
I sit beside the fire and think
of all that I have seen,
of meadow-flowers and butterflies
In summers that have been;
Of yellow leaves and gossamer
in autumns that there were,
with morning mist and silver sun
and wind upon my hair.
I sit beside the fire and think
of how the world will be
when winter comes without a spring
that I shall ever see.
For still there are so many things
that I have never seen:
in every wood in every spring
there is a different green.
I sit beside the fire and think
of people long ago,
and people who will see a world
that I shall never know.
But all the while I sit and think
of times there were before,
I listen for returning feet
and voices at the door.
I am very curious now as to which poem came first.
But all this was not what I was getting at. At first I got a kick out of the last line of the original "In western lands." (FYI: We're moving back to the second poem I typed). I thought it was very cutesy. In fact, I thought that the whole final stanza was very fan-fiction-y. (Fanfiction writers are free to take that as a complement or an insult. :-) ) But it suddenly struck me that it was reminiscent of the song in "The Black Bull of Norroway."
If you are a Tolkien fan "The Black Bull of Norroway" will ring a bell. I was actually a fan of that story before I read The Lord of the Rings. It's a fairy tale. But Tolkien ends his essay "On Fairie Stories" with the ending of the fairy tale because it provides a great example of Eucatastrophe. Here's the ending of the essay:
Far more powerful and poignant is the effect in a serious tale of Faerie. In such stories when the sudden "turn" comes we get a piercing glimpse of joy, and heart's desire, that for a moment passes outside the frame, rends indeed the very web of story, and lets a gleam come through.
"Seven long years I served for thee,
The glassy hill I clamb for thee,
The bluidy shirt I wrang for thee,
And wilt thou not wauken and turn to me?"
He heard and turned to her.
Anyway, (I love writing the absurdly long posts in which I say exactly one not-so-important thing!) I wonder if the original poem (again, second poem I typed) was in any way inspired by or affected by the Black Bull of Norroway? Of course, Sam's eucatastrophe didn't happen so instantaneously, but still it is similar:
"He ran to the figure huddled on the floor. It was Frodo."
Come on, it doesn't get much more eucatastrophic than that!
Well, that was a pointless post. To make it even more pointless, I shall add an unrelated picture. Goodnight.
Random Blatherings: If you read this, then you are the reeds to my Midas's barber.
1. Adam Lambert was born to play the Rum Tum Tugger. Truly.
2. My dad is extremely handsome. If you don't believe me look here: http://www.reval.com/Pages/default.aspx
3. Labradoodles are not that dumb. Arthur Clennam Bonsell can identify every member of the family except my mom. I have no idea why he can't ID my mom, though.
4. C.S. Lewis cried when he read "The Choices of Master Samwise." I knew that he had good taste.
5. Yes, the title of this post is dumb and corny!
6. The Hunchback of Notre Dame may be one of Disney's most interesting movies. It is not, however, appropriate for children. What were they thinking?
7. Everything I ever argued about The Lord of the Rings was already said by...
...drumroll please...
...J.R.R. Tolkien in his letters. I'm not sure how to feel about that. On the one hand, that could mean that I am a very discerning and astute reader. On the other hand, WHAT A WASTE OF ENERGY!
8. My sister and I screamed while watching an American Idol performance. Yes...we did...more than once. We figure that every girl should do that once in her teeny-bopper-hood. Maybe we're both out of teeny-bopper-hood, but we saw the opportunity to fill in the gap in our respective life-experiences, and we took it.
2. My dad is extremely handsome. If you don't believe me look here: http://www.reval.com/Pages/default.aspx
3. Labradoodles are not that dumb. Arthur Clennam Bonsell can identify every member of the family except my mom. I have no idea why he can't ID my mom, though.
4. C.S. Lewis cried when he read "The Choices of Master Samwise." I knew that he had good taste.
5. Yes, the title of this post is dumb and corny!
6. The Hunchback of Notre Dame may be one of Disney's most interesting movies. It is not, however, appropriate for children. What were they thinking?
7. Everything I ever argued about The Lord of the Rings was already said by...
...drumroll please...
...J.R.R. Tolkien in his letters. I'm not sure how to feel about that. On the one hand, that could mean that I am a very discerning and astute reader. On the other hand, WHAT A WASTE OF ENERGY!
8. My sister and I screamed while watching an American Idol performance. Yes...we did...more than once. We figure that every girl should do that once in her teeny-bopper-hood. Maybe we're both out of teeny-bopper-hood, but we saw the opportunity to fill in the gap in our respective life-experiences, and we took it.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Valedictory Address, May 2005
Well, I'm coming to the end of my Undergraduate education--a scary thought. I decided to look back at my Valedictory address from high school. I thought it might inspire me as I write my personal statement for a Ph.D. program. It hasn't, but I enjoyed reading it anyway. I'm inspired for life, even though I haven't gotten any good writing ideas. Now I'm posting it on the-blog-that-no-one-reads. Yay!
When I began to thinking about writing a speech, I immediately panicked. What if I never thought of anything! But I remembered a question that I’ve been hearing a lot recently. “Are you excited about graduating?” That's a difficult question to answer. Every time someone asks, I begin to think. What does he mean? Am I relieved that I have managed to get through the first 13 years of my education? If I say yes, will the questioner think that I can't wait for it to end? On the other hand, maybe he’s asking if I am looking forward to the change. My classmates and I are coming to a milestone in our lives. We are taking a giant step away from childhood and toward adulthood. Am I eagerly anticipating it? When things like that are racing through my head, I don’t usually give a good answer. So I think the standard answer has been “yeah, sortof, I mean I want to go to college, but I don’t want to leave” or something to that effect. Well, now to all who were really interested, I have a fuller answer. I have thought long about both sides of this question, and you get to hear it all. The two directions of the question point to the two things I want to talk about. We, the class of 2005, are at a crossroads and it would be well for us to look behind and ahead.
Looking behind is not very hard. It seems like only a few days since Mrs. Olsen sat all of us in our seats in alphabetical order--although that rationale certainly did not occur to my kindergarten mind. I’ve been in school with you guys for the better part of 12 years, and they have been great years. I’ve gotten to know some of you quite well, and I hope we’ll all continue to be friends for many years to come. We have memories of squabbles in plenty, but also have memories of the joys of forgiving. It is only in a class like this that you can have an "inside joke" that doesn't exclude anyone (except probably the teacher). We laugh at the same things because of our shared experience. I can’t say that I’m looking forward to classes without “pun recognition” from Jussley or jokes about Josh’s hair and pointy ears. I don’t want to never hear Shawn say “ANNA SURBATOVICH” again. In fact, I might even miss your obscure facts, Sam! I know we’ll all miss each other to one degree or another, because we’ve become a lot like family.
But of course school is not only about making friends. When I look back at school I want to remember learning too. It seems that we often assume that learning is not cool. Many times when people ask if I am excited about finishing school I think that they are wondering if or even assuming that I want it to end. This attitude is ubiquitous. I have always been annoyed by the motto of “Brain Quest” “It’s okay to be smart.” Why should we need to be TOLD that it’s okay to be smart? Why do teachers make it into books and tv shows as sadistic villains (who have no greater pleasure than that of giving out detentions…)? I think this attitude is the result of peer pressure more than anything else. Most of the little children that I have met were very excited about school. Then in a few months they decided that they didn’t like it, and recess was their favorite subject, and lunch is their second favorite subject. But really, I don’t think many children would think that way on their own.
Not only is this dislike of schoolwork in many cases the result of peer pressure, it’s also not very sensible. Face it—if you’re not a senior (hehe) you’re stuck until the end. So you might as well enjoy it. We seem to have the “countdown mindset” starting from the beginning of the school year. Only 179 days to freedom! We’re almost there! I would encourage every TCS student to rethink this attitude. I can attest from experience that there is nothing that makes a class seem more interminable than peeking at the clock every thirty seconds. I remember once staying in for five minutes at recess in kindergarten. Andy Martin told me that he was going to count to sixty 5 times, and that would make it go faster. (We weren’t supposed to be talking…so go figure) But he was wrong. That was one of the longest five minutes in my life! Enjoy what you are given. It will only be worse if you refuse to like it.
But more importantly than the pragmatic reason for changing attitudes about learning are the biblical reasons. We don’t like school because of the work that it entails. We see it as a punishment, but it isn’t a bad thing. Adam worked in the Garden of Eden before he sinned. It is in God’s plan for us that we work. Many people in the world have recognized that. In Huxley’s futuristic Brave New World everyone had an eight hour workday. Everyone in that pleasure-centered society worked, even though it was unnecessary because they needed it to enjoy life contentedly. Man was created to do work, so he must work. Schoolwork, like other work is very good.
All the work in school is also a responsibility. It’s easy to think of the bad aspects of responsibility—the labour, the emotional stress. But responsibility is positive. Remember the parable of the talents. The master rewarded his righteous servants with more responsibility. Think of added duties in the light of what they mean as a step toward adulthood. I can be excited to think that when I get more homework, I'm given a trust, a vote of confidence. My teacher thinks that I am capable of a workload closer to that of my parents and other adults than to that of my first-grade brother! My little brother hardly does any homework, but he can't go any farther from home unaccompanied than the next-door neighbor’s yard. I, on the other hand, have plenty of homework, but in my free time I can drive myself to the County Library, or the mall (to practice saying “Like” repeatedly and meaninglessly.) Growing up is a trade-off. We have to lose our carefree childishness. But who would stay carefree, if he would never have the privileges of adulthood?
Schoolwork is not only a "vote of confidence." We are receiving the tools to help us appreciate many aspects of God’s glory as revealed in his creation. We are seeing the creativity he gave to man.
We get onerous reading assignments in our Western Thought and Great Books classes(esp WT). We groan and complain (a lot!). But imagine if there were no books for us to read? Imagine if we never experienced the thrill of knowing that we are hearing the thoughts of someone who died thousands of years ago. And sure, Shakespeare is difficult sometimes, but imagine if everything was expressed in the language of a textbook! I know that not everyone loves literature. But noone has to hate it.
We learn foreign languages. Maybe it's annoying to do all the homework, but that will help us to master the language and then we may have a whole new culture open to us. We can communicate with more people around us, and we can read more literature.
Studying philosophy isn't necessarily an esoteric useless exercise. For thousands of years men have been working to gain a deeper understanding of our world. Many people wonder who they are, and what they were put here to do. I used to wonder if all my life I was just dreaming and I might wake up some time and discover that I was someone else. I was very relieved when I learned that other people think about that too! As Christians we can be thankful for how much God has revealed in the Scriptures about our chief end. And as we think about love and justice and life and death we are not the first. So many people have thought about them and we are benefitted by learning from it.
Donald Whitney in 10 Spiritual Disciplines said "discipline without direction is drudgery." While he was speaking of the spiritual realm it is true in the realm of school. Schoolwork is not pointless. Our primary goal in life is to glorify God and to enjoy him forever. At school we learn more about God's creation and have our eyes opened to more of his infinite glory.
So there are many reasons why you can and should enjoy learning at school. We all think is "cool" to hate school, but I am sure that if we just think about it differently, we see what a privilege it is and enjoy it.
And for all of you looking forward to high school, and feeling a little bit nervous about it, I will now give my sage advice stemming from 17 long years of experience. I know that people have been telling you that it only gets tougher. I'm not going to deny this, but remember, you're getting more mature. Of course 9th graders get more homework than 8th graders. But 9th graders also have one year more of experience under their belts.
(I suppose you could say that what I have said so far is my "not really" answer to the question of whether I am excited about graduating. I am going to miss my experiences both of learning and spending time with you my class and all my teachers and all my other friends at school(lunch buddies and stuff).
That was our look back at this crossroads of life. Now, to my fellow graduates looking ahead. Am I excited about college? I truly am sad to think of leaving my school. You're like family to me. But I'm also very exited about growing up. I think we all are. We looked at our teachers in kindergarten with adoration. Somewhere in elementary school we began to think that maybe they were of the same species as us. We began to respect them as men and women. Now we see them not only as men and women to be respected, but also people we should emulate. We as students are suddenly faced with the reality that now our lives are changing and our choices will decide what type of men and women we become. I'll tell you you, I'm scared, and I doubt that I'm alone in this (the thought of our going into the real world probably fill our teachers with dread! Hehe) but I know that this is something I've always wanted. You might not know this (yeah, right) but I really like Sam Gamgee. I think it’s partly because he was a normal person who always imagined being heroic--someone who dreamed of doing great things. All my life (even before LotR) I loved to read books like Kidnapped, and Ivanhoe--stories about boys who went to sea and war and did heroic deeds. I dreamed, like Sam did, of being like them. I wanted people a hundred years from now to remember me, to read books that I had written and to laugh and cry over them. I still do. But I know that is an unlikely scenario. I know that in a valedictory address I'm supposed to say that you can be what you want to be, you can do it, just work hard… But we all know that not everyone fulfills his dreams of glory. In fact very few people do. If we all were heroes, then heroes would no longer be heroic. Besides, a common life is grand, too. A few days ago when we were all in Yosemite nat'l park I saw real mountains for the first time ever. They were inspiring in their grandeur--their shapes were unpredictable and exciting. I also saw the sea again last week. I’ve seen it many times, and in my opinion it is one of the most beautiful things in God’s creation. It beats against the shore endlessly. It has a regular tidal pattern. Its very regularity and predictability is what makes it so inspiring. The waves do not move very far, but they shape land. The sea could reshape the mountains if it had enough time. Our lives are more likely to be like the sea than like mountains. We will not tower above others, but in the routine of life we can mold and change others. Pursue your dreams, but be content with little ones. If at the end of your life the only people who think you are a hero are your children, you have still done well.
And so I come to the end. We've come to a crossroads. We're ending childhood and beginning adulthood. It is frightening but it's also exhilarating. I don't know what God has in store for me or any of us, but I know that all things will work for His glory, and the good of all of us who love Him. I don't want to say goodbye to any of you, so let us say as the French say "au revoir" (I always wanted to say that!) But in all seriousness, I am praying that this goodbye will be temporary. I am praying that we'll be able to one day have a final class reunion--and all of you will be there--and we'll never have to leave again.
When I began to thinking about writing a speech, I immediately panicked. What if I never thought of anything! But I remembered a question that I’ve been hearing a lot recently. “Are you excited about graduating?” That's a difficult question to answer. Every time someone asks, I begin to think. What does he mean? Am I relieved that I have managed to get through the first 13 years of my education? If I say yes, will the questioner think that I can't wait for it to end? On the other hand, maybe he’s asking if I am looking forward to the change. My classmates and I are coming to a milestone in our lives. We are taking a giant step away from childhood and toward adulthood. Am I eagerly anticipating it? When things like that are racing through my head, I don’t usually give a good answer. So I think the standard answer has been “yeah, sortof, I mean I want to go to college, but I don’t want to leave” or something to that effect. Well, now to all who were really interested, I have a fuller answer. I have thought long about both sides of this question, and you get to hear it all. The two directions of the question point to the two things I want to talk about. We, the class of 2005, are at a crossroads and it would be well for us to look behind and ahead.
Looking behind is not very hard. It seems like only a few days since Mrs. Olsen sat all of us in our seats in alphabetical order--although that rationale certainly did not occur to my kindergarten mind. I’ve been in school with you guys for the better part of 12 years, and they have been great years. I’ve gotten to know some of you quite well, and I hope we’ll all continue to be friends for many years to come. We have memories of squabbles in plenty, but also have memories of the joys of forgiving. It is only in a class like this that you can have an "inside joke" that doesn't exclude anyone (except probably the teacher). We laugh at the same things because of our shared experience. I can’t say that I’m looking forward to classes without “pun recognition” from Jussley or jokes about Josh’s hair and pointy ears. I don’t want to never hear Shawn say “ANNA SURBATOVICH” again. In fact, I might even miss your obscure facts, Sam! I know we’ll all miss each other to one degree or another, because we’ve become a lot like family.
But of course school is not only about making friends. When I look back at school I want to remember learning too. It seems that we often assume that learning is not cool. Many times when people ask if I am excited about finishing school I think that they are wondering if or even assuming that I want it to end. This attitude is ubiquitous. I have always been annoyed by the motto of “Brain Quest” “It’s okay to be smart.” Why should we need to be TOLD that it’s okay to be smart? Why do teachers make it into books and tv shows as sadistic villains (who have no greater pleasure than that of giving out detentions…)? I think this attitude is the result of peer pressure more than anything else. Most of the little children that I have met were very excited about school. Then in a few months they decided that they didn’t like it, and recess was their favorite subject, and lunch is their second favorite subject. But really, I don’t think many children would think that way on their own.
Not only is this dislike of schoolwork in many cases the result of peer pressure, it’s also not very sensible. Face it—if you’re not a senior (hehe) you’re stuck until the end. So you might as well enjoy it. We seem to have the “countdown mindset” starting from the beginning of the school year. Only 179 days to freedom! We’re almost there! I would encourage every TCS student to rethink this attitude. I can attest from experience that there is nothing that makes a class seem more interminable than peeking at the clock every thirty seconds. I remember once staying in for five minutes at recess in kindergarten. Andy Martin told me that he was going to count to sixty 5 times, and that would make it go faster. (We weren’t supposed to be talking…so go figure) But he was wrong. That was one of the longest five minutes in my life! Enjoy what you are given. It will only be worse if you refuse to like it.
But more importantly than the pragmatic reason for changing attitudes about learning are the biblical reasons. We don’t like school because of the work that it entails. We see it as a punishment, but it isn’t a bad thing. Adam worked in the Garden of Eden before he sinned. It is in God’s plan for us that we work. Many people in the world have recognized that. In Huxley’s futuristic Brave New World everyone had an eight hour workday. Everyone in that pleasure-centered society worked, even though it was unnecessary because they needed it to enjoy life contentedly. Man was created to do work, so he must work. Schoolwork, like other work is very good.
All the work in school is also a responsibility. It’s easy to think of the bad aspects of responsibility—the labour, the emotional stress. But responsibility is positive. Remember the parable of the talents. The master rewarded his righteous servants with more responsibility. Think of added duties in the light of what they mean as a step toward adulthood. I can be excited to think that when I get more homework, I'm given a trust, a vote of confidence. My teacher thinks that I am capable of a workload closer to that of my parents and other adults than to that of my first-grade brother! My little brother hardly does any homework, but he can't go any farther from home unaccompanied than the next-door neighbor’s yard. I, on the other hand, have plenty of homework, but in my free time I can drive myself to the County Library, or the mall (to practice saying “Like” repeatedly and meaninglessly.) Growing up is a trade-off. We have to lose our carefree childishness. But who would stay carefree, if he would never have the privileges of adulthood?
Schoolwork is not only a "vote of confidence." We are receiving the tools to help us appreciate many aspects of God’s glory as revealed in his creation. We are seeing the creativity he gave to man.
We get onerous reading assignments in our Western Thought and Great Books classes(esp WT). We groan and complain (a lot!). But imagine if there were no books for us to read? Imagine if we never experienced the thrill of knowing that we are hearing the thoughts of someone who died thousands of years ago. And sure, Shakespeare is difficult sometimes, but imagine if everything was expressed in the language of a textbook! I know that not everyone loves literature. But noone has to hate it.
We learn foreign languages. Maybe it's annoying to do all the homework, but that will help us to master the language and then we may have a whole new culture open to us. We can communicate with more people around us, and we can read more literature.
Studying philosophy isn't necessarily an esoteric useless exercise. For thousands of years men have been working to gain a deeper understanding of our world. Many people wonder who they are, and what they were put here to do. I used to wonder if all my life I was just dreaming and I might wake up some time and discover that I was someone else. I was very relieved when I learned that other people think about that too! As Christians we can be thankful for how much God has revealed in the Scriptures about our chief end. And as we think about love and justice and life and death we are not the first. So many people have thought about them and we are benefitted by learning from it.
Donald Whitney in 10 Spiritual Disciplines said "discipline without direction is drudgery." While he was speaking of the spiritual realm it is true in the realm of school. Schoolwork is not pointless. Our primary goal in life is to glorify God and to enjoy him forever. At school we learn more about God's creation and have our eyes opened to more of his infinite glory.
So there are many reasons why you can and should enjoy learning at school. We all think is "cool" to hate school, but I am sure that if we just think about it differently, we see what a privilege it is and enjoy it.
And for all of you looking forward to high school, and feeling a little bit nervous about it, I will now give my sage advice stemming from 17 long years of experience. I know that people have been telling you that it only gets tougher. I'm not going to deny this, but remember, you're getting more mature. Of course 9th graders get more homework than 8th graders. But 9th graders also have one year more of experience under their belts.
(I suppose you could say that what I have said so far is my "not really" answer to the question of whether I am excited about graduating. I am going to miss my experiences both of learning and spending time with you my class and all my teachers and all my other friends at school(lunch buddies and stuff).
That was our look back at this crossroads of life. Now, to my fellow graduates looking ahead. Am I excited about college? I truly am sad to think of leaving my school. You're like family to me. But I'm also very exited about growing up. I think we all are. We looked at our teachers in kindergarten with adoration. Somewhere in elementary school we began to think that maybe they were of the same species as us. We began to respect them as men and women. Now we see them not only as men and women to be respected, but also people we should emulate. We as students are suddenly faced with the reality that now our lives are changing and our choices will decide what type of men and women we become. I'll tell you you, I'm scared, and I doubt that I'm alone in this (the thought of our going into the real world probably fill our teachers with dread! Hehe) but I know that this is something I've always wanted. You might not know this (yeah, right) but I really like Sam Gamgee. I think it’s partly because he was a normal person who always imagined being heroic--someone who dreamed of doing great things. All my life (even before LotR) I loved to read books like Kidnapped, and Ivanhoe--stories about boys who went to sea and war and did heroic deeds. I dreamed, like Sam did, of being like them. I wanted people a hundred years from now to remember me, to read books that I had written and to laugh and cry over them. I still do. But I know that is an unlikely scenario. I know that in a valedictory address I'm supposed to say that you can be what you want to be, you can do it, just work hard… But we all know that not everyone fulfills his dreams of glory. In fact very few people do. If we all were heroes, then heroes would no longer be heroic. Besides, a common life is grand, too. A few days ago when we were all in Yosemite nat'l park I saw real mountains for the first time ever. They were inspiring in their grandeur--their shapes were unpredictable and exciting. I also saw the sea again last week. I’ve seen it many times, and in my opinion it is one of the most beautiful things in God’s creation. It beats against the shore endlessly. It has a regular tidal pattern. Its very regularity and predictability is what makes it so inspiring. The waves do not move very far, but they shape land. The sea could reshape the mountains if it had enough time. Our lives are more likely to be like the sea than like mountains. We will not tower above others, but in the routine of life we can mold and change others. Pursue your dreams, but be content with little ones. If at the end of your life the only people who think you are a hero are your children, you have still done well.
And so I come to the end. We've come to a crossroads. We're ending childhood and beginning adulthood. It is frightening but it's also exhilarating. I don't know what God has in store for me or any of us, but I know that all things will work for His glory, and the good of all of us who love Him. I don't want to say goodbye to any of you, so let us say as the French say "au revoir" (I always wanted to say that!) But in all seriousness, I am praying that this goodbye will be temporary. I am praying that we'll be able to one day have a final class reunion--and all of you will be there--and we'll never have to leave again.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
All Good Things Must Come to an End
So, I should be sleeping. I've had about three hours of sleep in the past 48 hours. But I'm still psyched from going to the ISI Honors Colloquium.
Psyched may be the wrong word. My adrenaline is still pumping, but I'm actually sad. I enjoyed my time so much, and I am not particularly looking forward to cleaning my room and doing normal stuff again. I told myself that all good things must come to an end, and then I started thinking about the truth or untruth of that pessimistic phrase.
First, Heaven will not end. The statement is obviously not unqualifiedly true. But on earth does it hold? I guess so.
I just decided that I am too tired to continue this "conversation." Suffice it to say that I think good things end while good continues. (Think Sam Gamgee and the star.)
Goodnight.
Psyched may be the wrong word. My adrenaline is still pumping, but I'm actually sad. I enjoyed my time so much, and I am not particularly looking forward to cleaning my room and doing normal stuff again. I told myself that all good things must come to an end, and then I started thinking about the truth or untruth of that pessimistic phrase.
First, Heaven will not end. The statement is obviously not unqualifiedly true. But on earth does it hold? I guess so.
I just decided that I am too tired to continue this "conversation." Suffice it to say that I think good things end while good continues. (Think Sam Gamgee and the star.)
Goodnight.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
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